I’m totally obsessed with avocados.

I eat one almost everyday.

I used to be a typical avocado eater and just eat it sliced up on my salads. Then suddenly avocados caught fire and I started seeing a new variety of avocado eats all over the cyber world. Avocados were going getting mashed and put on toast, they were being blended up and put in smoothies, they were being turned in to chocolate pudding [which I skeptically tried and feel instantly in love --- hubby still thinks it’s gross]. Avocados are everywhere I tell you!

The other day I was staring dumbly in my fridge. You know, doors wide open, trying to think of what to make out of the packed-but-there’s-nothing-to-eat-in-my-fridge. Side note: Am I the only one that does this? I mean I go grocery shopping every week, so it’s not like my fridge is empty.

I looked up at the two cartons of eggs stack high on the top shelf. Bing! A rare moment of brilliance hit me. This happens less and less now that my brain has become fried. A side of pregnancy that should be discussed more. For heavens sake, my baby brain is so bad that the other day I almost dusted my couch. No joke. I was in such a trance that when I was putting the coffee table pictures on the couch so I could dust the table I started to dust the couch. Send help please.

Back to the eggs.

I was craving them deviled. I love LOVE deviled eggs. I would eat a whole tray of them easily. And then I would regret it.

But if the deviled egg was filled with a creamy avocado filling maybe I wouldn’t. Because avocados are a healthy fat and a super food. And with all the egg whites on a tray of deviled eggs I’d be getting a good protein kick. So a tray of Avocado Deviled Eggs sounds like the perfect meal…just add a salad, right?

Done.

I’m almost afraid to say it, but this week was such a good one.

Not that every week isn’t but this week suddenly Logan seemed to fall in to a schedule and I couldn’t be happier to have some what of a “routine”.

This is how our day’s have been going the last 5 days.

7 am: Logan officially wakes up ready to start his day. We feed and play

8 am: Out for our daily walk [close to 3 miles] Logan starts to fall asleep but as soon as we come in through the front door he’s wide awake.

9 – 11 am: This is probably my hardest time of the day. Logan is SOO tired but just doesn’t want to sleep. So for two hours I go back and forth with nursing, rocking, shushing, and finally he’ll pass out. Mom runs to the shower and scrubs up fast.

11 am – 5 pm: Logan will sleep this whole time and wake up in the middle some where to feed, but he’ll pass right back out. This is the time where I try to get things done around the house, or take a nap myself.

5 pm – 7 pm: Logan is officially awake. We play on the play mat, look out at the flowers in the backyard, and try to just keep him calm.

7 pm – 9 pm: This is our second hardest time during the day. We try to get Logan in bed no later than 9, and it will take us almost the full two hours to achieve that. Again, back and forth with nursing and rocking. This will work, but as soon as I lay him in the crib his eyes are WIDE open. We go through this routine about 3 times. So I bring him out to his swing, crank it on high and let him go. This is our secret weapon and nighttime savior. Logan will scream in the swing for about 10 minutes and then all the sudden he is passed out.

10:30 pm: Logan comes out of swing, still fast asleep and I lay him down in the crib. Nighty-night.

11:30 pm: Quick feed and back asleep.

1:30/4/6 am: Three more quick feedings and then we start all over again.

As chaotic as this seems, it feels so much better to almost know what to expect every hour now. It gives me a reference point to my day. I also know, during our hard times, that if I can make it to the 11 o’clock hour that he will be passed out and everything will go back to being calm. It really helps to keep my mind focus and keep from going crazy knowing that I’m on a countdown.

We’ve also mastered getting Logan to sleep in his own room. We decided to do this last week because Logan is such a loud sleeper. He snorts and grunts and shifts his body so much that it was making it hard for Lucas and I to sleep. The transition was actually pretty easy since Logan was already sleeping in a cradle in our room. And even though he wakes up every three hours to feed I feel like I’m able to get some solid sleep for those three hours. LOVE it!

This week Lucas and I also had our first night out without our little guy. We left him at my mom and dad’s while we went out to the baseball game. The first hour away all we could do was talk about Logan, then we told each other that we needed to stop talking and worrying about him and just enjoy each other. As nice as it was for us, the 5 hour stint away from him was a little long for his first time without us. He got pretty fussy at my parent’s and I could see when we got to their house that they were tired. We need to just keep our outings to like an hour dinner our something. Just to make it easier for everyone.

Logan doesn’t seemed to have made too many physical changes this week. He’s still smiling his little face off and making little happy squeals. And of course, he still seems to be packing on the pounds. We don’t go back to the doctor for an official weight check for another two weeks. I can’t wait to see what they say!

Mom Check Up:

My body kind of freaked me out this week. All of the sudden mid-week I noticed that my milk production seemed to dramatically decrease. When I would nurse Logan, I used to be have very full breasts. He would nurse and I’d even spray him all the time in the face when he would break his latch because of how much milk I had. After he would nurse I would pump and was able to get 2 more ounces off each breast. I felt like a milk making machine. And then suddenly it changed. I noticed in the last few days that my breasts don’t feel as full anymore, they actually feel a little deflated, and completely empty after he feeds. And when I pump I’m lucky if I can get 2 ounces of both breasts.

I started to freak out and contacted my lactation consultant. She said that she thinks my body is just getting used to the amount of milk that Logan actually needs during the day. She told me to pump every two feedings for 10 minutes each side to keep my body stimulated. But she wasn’t too concerned since Logan isn’t still hungry after feedings and is still having normal dirty diapers.

I was glad to hear that she thought everything was good, but still in the back of my head I’m kind of freaking out that my milk could be drying up. It’s something now that I can’t stop thinking about. I just don’t want to not be able to breastfeed Logan, so it almost made me a little depressed in a way. [But that can have an affection on milk production…so I’m trying to keep my sprits up].

This week I also feel like my body has finally been able to rest a little bit. The new sleeping arrangements have really helped me out.

…anyone have any parenting book recommendations? I haven’t really started to read anything yet, since he basically just eats and sleeps, but I know soon teeth will be coming in, tummy time needs to be done more, yada, yada, and I need some good resources.

See all of Logan’s Weekly Updates here

I’m here to save you from your Monday.

Because we all know how Monday’s are. They’re the one day of the week that we all dread. Like you’d rather be at home cleaning the toilets and doing laundry than having to deal with a Monday. Am I right, or am I right.

I feel like on Sunday night I go in to pep talk mode. I go through conversations with myself [but out loud so I really look like a crazy] about how this Monday is going to be different. That Monday isn’t that big of a deal. It’s just a day. A day that I’m not afraid of. No biggie, I totally GOT this.

Then Monday hits and I want to crawl in a hole.

Could you imagine actually crawling in to a hole to hide from Monday? I don’t really even like that phrase. Crawling in to a hole actually sounds worse than dealing with Monday. I mean obviously the hole is gonna be dark, right. Don’t like that. And this hole, it’s gonna have dirt…yuck…perhaps b-u-g-s…double yuck. Holes don’t sound very room, don’t even put me a small confined space. And if there’s no fresh air coming in, just kill me.

Forget the hole.

I’m changing the 3-paragraphs-above phrase to Then Monday hits and I want to stuff my face with s’morewiches.

Sounds so much better.

And these little ‘wiches are so cute that they would make the perfect little work time snackie. Only to be consumed every hour, precisely on the hour. Yes. That’s the rules to these. But be careful where you decide to break out your little snack at. Because others who are also experiencing the Monday blues will want a bit of your Monday funday. Do what you want, but I totally couldn’t share. I’m sorry, but it’s true, and I’m just being honest. These are an unshareable snack.

But I’d hope that if I didn’t have any of these and you did that you would share them with me so that I didn’t have to go crawl in a hole.

Friends?

Whoops, I’m a week late posting this, but I hope that you’ll understand how hard it can be to stick to a schedule.

The last five weeks have been such a roller coaster of emotions for me.

Not only am I trying to adjust to having a newborn, I’m also trying to adjust to all the changes of my body. I never would have thought how much my life was going to change. I mean, everyone tells you that it will, but I don’t think you truly understand it until you actually go through it.

Even though I only have 2 or 3 pounds left to loose to get back to my pre-baby weight, I feel like I’m so far away from that pre-baby body and pre-baby state of mind.

The hardest thing that my body is trying to adjust to is Logan’s crazy need for breast milk. “Normal” recommendations is that newborns should feed every 2-4 hours. My child feeds every hour to hour and a half, which is having a huge toll on my body. I’m constantly hungry because my body is trying to replenish the nourishment that Logan is taking from me. It’s also starting to weigh on my state of mind. I feel like I’m just a boob machine. As much as I love my moments of nursing my little man, it can also be very draining. I know that my job right now is to feed Logan, but I sometimes find myself thinking about the days when I didn’t have a baby constantly on me. I find it so hard to do anything because I know I’ve got an hour before I’m pulling up my bra again. When I have these thoughts I immediately feel guilty, because it’s not that I’m not happy to have my baby, it’s just a big adjustment. I know that this phase won’t last for long and I keep trying to remind myself of that.

The other thing that has been a hard adjustment is the lack of sleep. Logan is very picky about when he will take a bottle. It’s usually first thing in the morning. So, at night, each time I hear him start to wake, I’m quickly up and at it, ready to feed. Before we had Logan, Lucas and I thought we were going to have the perfect schedule. Lucas is a night owl and I’m an early bird, so we thought that Lucas would be the one doing the late night feedings so that I could get some sleep. Not the case. Logan will absolutely not take a bottle from Lucas at night. So it’s mom on night watch. I find myself sometimes a little jealous of Lucas that he gets to sleep through the night and not deal with feedings, diapers, spit up, crying. The first few weeks I actually found myself starting to get mad at this. Then I told myself to look at it differently. This is my job. Lucas goes to work everyday for our family, so he needs his rest. He’s not doing it to spite me, and Logan not wanting a bottle is not Lucas’ fault [nor is it Logan’s]. It is what it is. Learning to not take these things personally has been a big realization for me. And now that I’m starting to get better at it, I’m finding that is not as emotionally draining as it was in the beginning.

On a plus side, my little baby pooch is almost gone! This kind of helping to keep my spirits up. Although my tummy still feels very smooshy, it’s nice to see it slowly dwindling down. I think right now, this is the only sign on my body of me actually being pregnant. When I look in the mirror too I feel like my torso and hips are way wider than they used to be. I am lucky to be back in all of my pre-baby clothes. Some of them fit totally different now, like certain pairs of shorts just won’t button, or tight shirts are not flattering on the belly, but it feels great to being wearing my regular clothes again.

I wish I could say that I’m totally accepting of my baby body, but I’d be lying if I said that. For the most part I am very happy with it, and I know that in time it will return to it’s normal state. But there is a little part of me that gets sad when I see that smooshy flab of a belly. I find that when I get undressed now I’m a little more self conscious and wonder if it bothers Lucas. Which is dumb, because I know it doesn’t, he has actually said that he’s even more attracted to me now. But I can’t help it. And I think it’s a natural thought process to go through.  

I haven’t started any form of working out yet. I still have to see my doctor to be cleared for that, but I’ve been walking with Logan and Baxter every morning. We try to go for 45-60 minutes. I love it! It gets me moving and Logan really enjoys riding around in his stroller. I am curious to see though where my physical fitness will be once I am cleared. After so long of not working out I’m almost a little scared to get back in to it. Especially with running. When I got pregnant I was running a 8:30 mile and was training for a marathon. That was almost a year ago. I can’t imagine what this first mile is going to feel like.

With everything said here the most important thing to remember is everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. I’ve heard post partum horror stories and  post partum stories of happiness. I feel like I’ve fallen right in the middle and am learning what is best for me, my body, and my mind.

Have you ever tried to do a full day of tasks with one hand?

It’s hard…and it’s totally my life right now. My left arm is constantly occupied with a 10 pound baby hanging in it. And it’s caused me to make a major adjustment in how I operate.

I’ve learned how to open medicine bottles, fold laundry, put on make up, cut apples [this was a little scary and I’ll probably never do it again], grocery shop, and wash dishes all with one arm. Yes, I have a moby wrap and another hands free carrier, but those tools are hit or miss with my little baby. Sometimes he loves them. Other times he hates them. And hating leads to screaming, which I totally try to avoid at all costs. Hence the baby glued to the left arm.

The nice thing is I’m really starting to build up a good bicep in that arm. The bad thing is my right arm isn’t matching the left’s new found strength. I fear I’ll look lopsided. Not even joking.

Since I have this new way of functioning, it has started to influence the foods I eat.

I know, sounds ridiculous, but it’s so true.

Think about it. What’s easier to eat with one hand. A smoothie or a container of yogurt [the container requires a hand to hold it and a hand to spoon it]. A piece of toast with avocado mash or a salad [try getting all those pesky pieces of lettuce with one hand]. A meatball slider or a big huge bowl of spaghetti and meatballs [twirling noodles and sauce…not so fun].

I think it to me maybe three bites to eat one of these. Three. That’s all.

Do you know how huge that is in the parenting world? That means it took me like less that a minute to eat part of my dinner. And I could eat it with one hand. A one minute, one handed, three bite dinner means baby doesn’t hardly have a change to get frustrated that mommy is eating.

Mommy = 1. Logan = 253. I think I’m starting to make some headway.

Every day I look at Logan and he looks a little different to me, but this week I really feel like he looks SO different from when he was born.

He is such a big little chunker. He has absolutely no neck to look at now. It’s just two rolls of baby fat. Half of his newborn onesies don’t fit they’re either too snug to fit his plump body, or they’re too short, because now he seems so long. He’s actually wearing a ton of his 3 month onesies…and on Mother’s Day we actually had him in a 9 month onesie. No joke.

This week was the hardest week that we’ve had yet.

Logan was having a really hard time with feedings, naps, and bowel movements. He used to nurse with no problem and would make little farts and poops while he nursed, and would fall fast asleep right after a feeding. Well this week all the sudden he wasn’t nursing right. He would bob his head on and off my boob. When he would latch it would be for a few seconds and he would start screaming. There was no more dirty diapers with nursing, instead he would get a red, red face from pushing and then he’d start screaming. He was starting to spit up way more than he used to. And naps were not happening. He just looked like he was in so much pain.

I had no idea what to do. I took to Facebook and my mom friends and everyone was recommending gas drops and/or gripe water. I went to Walgreens and bought both. I would alternate between the two products throughout the day. They seemed to offer him a little bit of relief, but he still wasn’t the baby I was familiar with.

Then all the sudden yesterday Logan was back to normal. Nursing with no issues. He didn’t seem in pain when he was eating. He would pass right out after he finished eating. And the dirty diapers were coming along again. 

Then I started to put two and two together. A few days ago Lucas came down with the stomach flu. The day after Lucas was throwing up is when all this started with Logan. And then yesterday I started feeling the yucky symptoms. It makes me think that for the last three days Logan was actually sick and we didn’t even know it. It was such a relief to see the baby I knew again yesterday. Because all his pain and screaming was really taking a toll on me. It was actually so bad that the second day of it cause me to have a serious melt down. I just couldn’t get him to stop crying and I didn’t know what to do for him. I laid him in the crib and came out crying to Lucas that I was just so overwhelmed. Parenting is no joke.

I have my fingers crossed that today he his the happy baby again that I had yesterday, because it makes life so much easier!

Lets see, what else is the little guy up too. He is really starting to develop his facial expressions. He will all of the sudden bust out in the biggest grin and sometimes I can catch a little laugh. It is the CUTEST thing! He’s also turning in to a huge outdoorsy baby. We take a 2-3 mile walk every morning and he loves to just look around and feel the air on his checks. Lucas likes to take him out on the patio too in the afternoon and he just loves it out there.

Ooh, we also celebrated our first Mother’s Day! Which was so nice. Logan got me a massage and facial coupon that I can use for a day of relaxation and pampering. It was so weird to have everyone telling me Happy Mother’s Day. I guess it just hasn’t sunk in for me yet that I’m a mama. I feel like I just have this new little buddy that I hang out with everyday.

Mom Check Up:

This week I actually feel like I’m back to my old self. The only thing that is not back to it’s old self is my tummy. I still have that deflated belly pooch, but I know once I’m cleared to start working out that should start to go away.

I do also feel like I’m finally getting much more confident and comfortable with my role as mom. Things don’t freak me out as much anymore and everything is just seeming to come second hand to me now. And I think I’m finally used to the lack of sleep because in the day even though I feel tired I ‘m still functioning like normal and almost don’t even notice that I’m tired.

The thing I think I’m struggling with the most right now is letting go of control. Since I’m with Logan all day, everyday, I now have certain ways that I like to do things or think that they should be done. So for me to have someone else watch him or do things differently for him have started to get a little hard. I find myself always wanting to jump in and offer up my two cents. I need to just calm down and go with the flow!

…so when we left off from Part 1 we had all just arrived at the hospital…

I was so glad to actually be getting to the hospital so late at night because the hospital was completely empty. We had no problem finding a parking spot and my parents were waiting by our car with a wheelchair.

At this point, with the contractions being so close together and the intensity of them, I was really starting to make a lot of moaning noises, and I think it was making the men in my family a little nervous. My dad was the wheelchair driver and he was pushing me so fast I could tell that he just wanted to get me to a doctor so they could give me meds to make it all better.

We got up to the Labor and Delivery Ward and it kind of felt like a ghost town. Nothing like you see in the movies where there’s tons of people hustling and bustling around. I went to check in and the male nurse showed me to my “holding” room. This room was a triage room, so very small, and here I came with my husband, my mom, dad, brother, and mother-in-law, plus our hospital bags. It was quite a site to see.

Once they showed me to this room they asked me to change in to a gown and give them a urine sample. I remember going in to the bathroom and struggling with the stupid gown. I asked my mom to come in and help me because the arms hole were all messed up on it…she pointed out that those weren’t arm holes, they were boob holes, made for breastfeeding. It was so funny to me, and a good ice breaker from all the pain. But the gown was kind of a pain, I had to keep closing those holes so I wasn’t out there exposing the world.

I laid in the hospital bed and remember just clenching the bed rails. The nurse left me waiting forever. And it wasn’t one of those times where it seems like forever but it’s only been 2 minutes. This was seriously forever. Come to find out it’s because we arrived in the middle of the nurses all changing shifts. Shoot me.

Finally a new nurse came in [I wish now I could remember all their names] and she started my whole check in process. You know, all the questions about my medical history and yada yada. She finally was ready to check my progress and my dad and brother were quick to flee. I thought for sure she was going to check my and say, “Oh prefect, you’re 4 cm dilated”. [You have to be 4 cm to be admitted to the hospital otherwise they will send you back home].

She pushed and prodded and finally looked at me and said, “you’re not dilated at all”. I wanted to cry and punch her all at the same time. I was shocked and almost felt let down and discouraged. All this pain and contractions so close together with NO progress. She told me to go ahead and walk around the hospital for two hours and then come back to be re-checked. She told me not to sit down at all, to keep moving for the full two hours to really help my labor move along.

I put my pants on under my gown and looked at my family with a look of despair. And down to the lobby we went. My family decided that they’d each take turns walking with me to help break up the monotony for me and hopefully to make the two hours go by a little faster. Lucas was the first to walk with me and we both started practicing the techniques we learned in our birthing class. I found that the best thing was once I felt a contraction we would stand chest to chest. I’d put my arms around his shoulders and lean in to him and we’d sway kind of like middle schoolers do at the first dance. Something about the swaying motion really helped ease my contraction pain. My moaning had gotten pretty loud to and just letting all the pressure out through my mouth kind of calmed me down.

This was another plus to being at the hospital so late [early?] in the night [morning?]. There was NO ONE down in the lobby so I could moan, cry, and walk around completely alone with no other people distracting me.

I walked and walked with Lucas, my mom, my dad, and finally my brother. The walking with my brother was the most intense part of the whole two hour walking. My contractions were gut wrenching at this point and were to the point where they were making me feel so nauseous and dizzy. I had to stop and sit down a few times because I felt like I was going to pass out. I asked my brother how much longer I had and he said that I still had half an hour left. I couldn’t do it. We walked a few more minutes and I was quickly finding my way to a chair before the extreme feeling of light-headedness hit me. I looked at my brother and told him that I couldn’t walk anymore. That I wanted to go back up to Triage and see what my progress was. So he slowly walked me back to the group and we got all set to go back up to Triage.

When I got settled back in my Triage room the nurse came in to check me and looked at me with sympathy while telling me that I still hadn’t even begun to dilate. WTF was the only thing going through my head. Contractions three minutes apart, severe pain, and no progress. The nurse said that he was going to get the doctor to see what our plan of action was going to be.

The doctor came in and he also did an exam. He asked me if I had every had any type of surgery or procedure done on my uterus. He was asking me this because he thought maybe I had scar tissue built up and that’s what was prevent me from dilating. I told him that I hadn’t and he was kind of baffled. He said that this was something that’s not very common. The baby was progressing down the birth canal, but my cervix wasn’t opening. He started to tell me that he was going to send me home and I lost it. I started crying and was asking him how was I supposed to know when to come back if they sent me home. My contractions were already so close together and it’s not like I could check my cervix at home to know when to come back. I was practically begging him to not let me go home. I was too nervous that I would get home and without knowing when to come back I’d end up having the baby there and not in the hospital.

Him and the nurse talked for a minute and then they offered me a different option. They wanted to give me a shot of morphine to help me relax. They were thinking that the morphine shot would let me sleep for a few hours and with my body being relaxed my cervix would start to dilate. I didn’t have a second thought about it and told them to do it.

At this point it was about 2 am, my dad and brother decided they were going to head back home to get some rest, and my mother-in-law decided to do the same. Lucas and my mom stayed with me at the hospital. The nurse came in and gave me the morphine shot in my booty…he was getting ready to give me the shot and I told him to wait a minute because I was getting ready to have a contraction and he told me it was best to do it with a contraction so I wouldn’t not the pain of the injection. He was so right!

The morphine kicked in immediately. I got so drowsy and tried to make myself comfortable in the rock hard hospital bed. Before I knew it I was out like a light. I would wake up here and there, just long enough to look at Lucas and my mom. My heart went out to them, they had the worst sleeping arrangement ever. Lucas was sitting in a chair and had another facing him, sleeping on the boppy. And my mom pulled her chair up next to my hospital bed and was sleeping on the bed rail. The room was also freezing and I was the only one with a blanket. I felt so bad that they were having to sleep like this, but I was so happy that they were there.

When the nurse had given me the shot he had told me that they would be in to wake me up at 7 am to check my progress. It was about 6:30ish and my dad peeked his head in to my room. I was the only one awake, I had just woken up a few minutes before because the morphine was starting to wear off and I could feel the contractions again. I waived to him and he came in and asked how I was doing. With us talking that slowly woke my mom up, and within another 20 minutes the nurse was in to check my status.

I was saying so many prayers as she did my exam, and remember wanting to cry when she told that I had dilated to 3cm and they were going to go ahead and admit me to the Labor and Delivery Ward! I was almost at the 24 hours of labor mark and finally felt like I had made a big step toward holding my little man.

Stay tuned! More to come!

Five weeks ago today I became a mom.

It’s the best, most hardest, rewarding, funnest, frustrating, enjoyable job I’ve ever had. I now have a whole different respect for moms and see parenting totally different. Thank you to my own mother for all your love, support, and dedication. Without such an amazing mother I don’t think I would be half the mom that I am.

I hope every mom has a day filled with just a little more love and appreciation [because we should already have this everyday!]